Note from Carol

I was listening to the radio on a drive when I heard an interesting interview. A psychologist, who helps people with their "inner critic" was telling her story about the mistakes she had made in love...and it was all born out of how she grew up. Essentially, her self-worth had her believing she'd better say "yes" to any reasonable human who proposed marriage to her. It went ok for a while...until it didn't...

Now, I'm not a relationship coach. If you want one, I have good recommendations. However, EVERYTHING we do is born out of a relationship. The relationship to ourselves.

The woman being interviewed said she'd done extensive research (she has her PhD and even did a year in India abroad) studying compassion, self-worth, self-love, guilt, shame, and the relationship of these conditions to addictions. While we KNOW much of this stuff, it was interesting to hear, nonetheless. I'd like to highlight a few points.

even when we do not have a lot of tolerance for our own mistakes, we can have compassion for others
if we don't "fill our cup" (be kind to ourselves, the capacity for said compassion diminishes quickly
practicing positive self talk is critical to true happiness
self image described by the "ego" (ie, "you are very pretty") is ephemeral and conditional
Shame vs Guilt: Guilt happens when a situation unfolds. Shame says "you are bad."

In short, most of us have a lot of work to do when it comes to loving ourselves inside and out. Unconditional self kindness is the stuff of true leaders. If you find yourself feeling shameful, ever, get help immediately. If you are ashamed of your neurodiversity or of anything, find the gift in it. >>Now!<<

The stakes are high. If you feel shame, and deep down believe you are somehow "not okay" then you will, my friend, never, ever, live into your potential. And that would be the true shame.

What are you working on in the self-kindness department? Hit reply and let me know.

This is the first thing you should do when you feel stupid

When things don't go as planned, we can resist the very thing that may be the most helpful. A debrief, otherwise known as hindsight analysis can be absolute GOLD in the Failure Process. However, more often than not, people resist this routine. Fear of feeling stupid can lurk behind this omission.

The key to combatting guilt is to understand that it’s not possible to control everything around us. Often, things will happen that can leave us feeling “stupid”, guilty or with a sense of shame hanging over us but what can we do to remedy these feelings or at least reduce them to a level that doesn’t take over our whole being and end up consuming us?

If you don’t feel naturally organized, even if you have read lots of books, you may have some questions!

Question: Is there something wrong with me?
Answer: In short, no. Try looking at what you can easily do those others can’t first and you’ll realize there’s nothing wrong with you.

Firstly, take the phrase “If only I had…” out of your dictionary. If you were to take some time to reflect on each action over the course of the day, without a doubt, there will be things that you could have done differently, more efficiently or more effectively but it’s important to remember that you are where you are, and those moments have passed. It’s possible that those impulse moments, led to a positive outcome or the day may have looked different.

The analogy that explains this best is the traffic jam. Have you ever found yourself at standstill on a busy road only to think, If only I had left 10 minutes earlier…” but like most things, the traffic jam was unpredictable and having these thoughts are actually not helpful at all and only contribute to feelings of shame and guilt?

Remember YOU are your hardest critic– even when you feel incredibly stupid, guilty, or shameful, the likelihood is that you are the only one to have noticed that. A bit like going to the gym, you feel exposed, and you feel like everyone is watching you but in reality, everyone has their own issues and things to deal with and are unlikely to even notice you or what you are doing.

Question: Does neurodivergent mean you can’t operate in the “real world”?

Upcoming seminar....take advantage!

10 Time Management Mistakes to Avoid (by me!):

Nov. 10, 2021 at 1pm Eastern.

Want some CEU's??

As some of you know, I am a faculty member of Lorman.com and periodically do Live Educational Webinars.

One is coming and I want to be sure you know of this.

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TOPIC: Top 10 Time Management Mistakes
DATE: November 10, 2021
TIME: 1:00PM EST - 2:00PM EST

Call: 866-352-9539
Discount code: M5207973
Priority code: 15999

I look forward to having you in attendance and providing you with the latest information on this topic!

But wait, there is MORE!

Do World Events "throw you?"

What's happening in the world is no joke. And to say "it's your choice" whether or not to get "swept up" in other people's emotions may seem "crazy."

If this describes you, don't wait another moment. My dear friend Susan Morse is running a really affordable 4 week evening series that will change your outlook and have you feel like you just floated away in a blue salt ocean of awesomeness. And who doesn't want THAT?

The fun starts Nov. 4, so don't delay!

Yes- I want to feel more like ME!

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Carol Williams
Beacon Of Light Center LLC